{Day 13} Miscommunication

We talked about communication, but I think another important topic is miscommunication. After all, isn’t that the source of many arguments and fights in marriage?

Many times we simply wish our husbands could read our minds and that they should just KNOW what we want them to do, or not to do. But we all know that God didn’t give us the ability to read minds so many times miscommunication results.

Miscommunication can be as simple as – he thought you wanted him to pick up cheddar cheese, but what you actually wanted was cream cheese for that recipe you were trying to make. Or it could be as complicated as – you thought when he said that lady looked nice that he was actually checking her out, wished he was married to her and not you, and thought she was far prettier than you – when all he really meant was he thought the lady was well put together, nothing more complicated than that.

I realize these examples are kind of goofy, but honestly my brain can’t think of better ones right now. The fact is that almost daily there are times when miscommunication happens {or has the potential to happen}. Sometimes I simply don’t hear my husband correctly, sometimes I hear him, but misread the tone of his voice, sometimes I hear him but don’t like what he’s saying and just disagree with his point wholeheartedly.

No matter how we miscommunicate  with each other, the biggest thing is how we handle it. Do we handle it with anger or rage? Do we patiently try to get to the bottom of things? Do we assume the worst and cook up all kinds of crazy scenarios and negative thoughts in our minds? {I tend to do the latter more often than naught!}

Let’s look at what God’s Word says about how we should handle these types of things.

^{James 1:19-20 says:  19} My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

^{Proverbs 15:1 says: 1} A gentle answer turns away wrath,
   but a harsh word stirs up anger.

^{Colossians 3: 13-14 says: 13} Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I think of all of these instructions, the first verse has one of the most profound statements in situations like these. “Everyone should be QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK and SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY” – wow, what if every time we got into an argument or disagreement with our spouse we took a step back and practiced those 3 things. What if we chose to hear the other person’s point [really hear, without interrupting], thought carefully before we responded, and made sure we kept our anger and tone of voice in check when we did respond. Can you picture your disagreements going a lot differently if those 3 things took place?! I can! Especially since most of my argument is crazy ideas I’ve cooked up in my own head!

Today’s challenge is:

The next time you have a miscommunication with your spouse, no matter how large or how small of an issue it is – take a few minutes to stop and practice the words of James 1:19. If you need to, tell your spouse you need a few minutes alone and separate yourself for a time. Spend that time in prayer over the situation and that the Lord will give you ears to hear your spouse and clarity to see the situation for what it really is and not what you’ve built it up in your mind to be.

I also have a couple of books/studies that I would HIGHLY recommend. No matter if you’ve been married one year or ten years – these are great books about marriage.

 Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The Love Dare by Steven & Alex Kendrick

For Women Only and For Men Only by Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn

A Wife After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George

 The Joy of a Promise Kept by the wives of 12 Christian leaders

and also the movie Fireproof

{I have also heard that the new movie Courageous is a great one for husbands but haven’t seen it myself yet.}

The point is, there are MANY resources out there on having a Godly, JOYFUL marriage!