Just 18 Summers

I just finished reading a fantastic book. A novel by the name of Just 18 Summers. A little snippet from the book says "When your child is born, eighteen years seems like they'll last forever. But it goes by in a blink. You have just 18 summers to make memories together. you can't go back and rewind those days."

 So the question is: how will you use that time? 

The book takes you through some ups and downs. I laughed at times and there were also moments I wanted to cry. One time, I was having a hard day with my daughter and I was having a little time to myself to cool down - so I picked up the book to read and just ended up bursting into tears. The idea of the girls growing up SO fast and time just passing too quickly was too much to handle at that moment. 

But overall, I loved the book. This summer we have been through some tough things with our girls. Mostly because they are both growing up so fast and starting to test us in different ways. Many days my heart is all over the place as I love them so fiercely, get angered or hurt so easily and cry way too much. I just wish they could go back to being 6 and 8 years old and just STAY that age forever. But alas, that won't happen, so we continue to roll with the punches as they come. 

This book helped me realize two key things. One is how quickly time is fleeing and how important it is to INVEST time into our kids lives. One set of parents in the book quickly came to regret the fact that they had invested so much time and attention into giving their kids the best of everything and focusing so much on a good education, that they missed the fact that all their kids really wanted was their time and attention. 

The other major thing I learned {and have been learning a LOT this summer} is about trusting God more with my kids. It's kinda funny because 2 years ago we decided to send our kids back into public school after we had homeschooled for 5 years. At that time, I was being challenged mightily by the Lord to fully TRUST Him and put my girl's lives in HIS hands. That year I felt such freedom in loosening my tight grip on the reins and learning to trust Him more. However ... as hard things have come this summer ... mostly in the form of peer pressure and the influence of the world on my daughter, I have been grasping at those reins again and literally clinging to them with all my might. I have mistakenly thought that I somehow could control how my kids turn out, what they do, how they choose to live, etc... by trying to control it all. I had stopped trusting God as much and was trying to rely on my own strengths. 

There were several things in the book that helped me realize these truths but here is a small example of one. I don't want to spoil too much for anyone who might read it, but one of the couples has a college aged daughter who very suddenly announces that she is getting married - to a pizza delivery boy. They are not happy about the wedding and the Mom spends SO much time worrying, crying and praying over the impending doom that is sure to come from this marriage. On the wedding day she finally comes to terms with it saying "I realized all these years I've prayed and I've prayed and I've prayed, but I never really trusted. I never trusted God because sometimes - most of the time - it felt like I didn't have to. I had full control. They were under our roof. They were dependent on our money. The things that were hard in their lives, I could make easier by doing something special for them. And I think at the end of the day I trusted in ... me. And God's called me on it, you know? I'm spinning out of control because I trust in me: to be a good Mom, to keep them safe and fed, to raise them as productive human beings. But you know what? It wasn't me. It wasn't ever me. They're the people they are because of God's grace in their lives. God's mercy in my life, to be the parent I was to them. If I did anything good at all, it was because of Him." 

Oh my heart people, can I just tell you that that moment in this book was written for ME! I feel like I could have written that whole thing word for word myself. It made me weep. Like just utterly, completely in awe that the Lord would bring me to this book and show me so clearly where I've been struggling and how I needed to let those reins go again ... I needed to give them back to God. 

That doesn't mean I stop parenting and just give up! NO WAY! In fact, the job of being a parent never ends and I feel like this summer I have spent more time talking with and sharing with my girls than I have in recent months. But I'm no longer stressing over every little thing and freaking out crying at night all the time because I'm so worried about them making wrong decisions and not growing up 'right'. 

Another quick snippet from the book, as one of the women gave birth to her first baby she makes this important realization: "As she clung to Butch for support, Daphne realized she would need to cling to Jesus just as tightly. There would be days of pain and sorrow and fear, just like now. She had no more control over this child's life than she had over this day."

So as I finished this book I was challenged and also encouraged to cling to Jesus, let go of all that fear and worry and choose to trust Him more. Oh, and also to enjoy all the moments I get to spend with my girls.

 This summer we have made some wonderful memories together but one of my favorites happened just the other night. We had grilled dinner outside and sat on the deck for dinner. After dinner we lit a campfire and sat around it chatting and making s'mores. Then one of us happened to look up and notice how many stars were out that night and suddenly one of us saw a shooting star. The girls then quickly ran to get some blankets and pillows which we spread out over the grass and we all laid there watching the stars for over an hour. We saw a couple more shooting stars, watched the blinking lights of the planes overhead while we guessed at where they were going, and marvelled at the majesty of the stars. We laughed and talked and just had the best time, just the four of us. It will remain one of my favorite memories of this summer. We have just over 3 more weeks until we go back to school ... I plan to soak up every last minute I can get because I only have 5 more summers with Haley and 7 more summers with Jilly {after this year} and quite frankly I can't afford to waste any of them! 

Spartan Race!! Aroo!!

First I want to warn you this will probably be my longest post ever and also has a LOT of pictures! So if you have NO interest whatsoever in races, just turn away now!

So a few months ago I found out that the Spartan Race would be coming to Mohegan Sun, which is near where I live. I had a few friends who said they were interested in it, so without even researching it much, I signed up! My husband and I both signed up and decided to run on a team with the friends we knew who were running it too. Shortly after I signed up I looked up some videos and pictures online and all of the sudden, the fear set in!

Over the past couple of months I have tried to train, of course I'm sure I could have done MORE training, but overall I was in pretty good shape. I have been running quite a bit lately, just ran a 10K on June 1st and do a little weight training too. I also had recently lost 8 pounds and been eating a LOT healthier lately. We also tried to train on things like climbing monkey bars, doing burpees and practicing throwing a spear - because these were all obstacles that COULD be at the race. They never tell you exactly which obstacles will be at which race, there are many different ones so you have to expect the unexpected. 

Fast forward to a couple days before the race day ... I was having REALLY high anxiety about the race, feeling sick to my stomach with nerves, not sleeping at night, worrying about being able to complete the race and do the really hard obstacles. My biggest fears were either throwing up during the race, passing out during the race or just getting injured severely. Definitely the kind of stuff that keeps ya up at night! 

On Friday, the day before the race I was feeling very anxious. I talked with my Mother in law who assured me that my feelings were normal and prayed for me. I also began seeing SO many things on Facebook, Instagram and everywhere about FEAR that day - things like "Living in fear of what might be causes more anxiety than actually facing what I fear." {Quote by Lysa Terkeurst}. With each thing I read, some of the anxiety lessened. Later that night we got all our stuff ready for the morning including what we planned to wear to race. I went to bed early and tried my best to get a good night of sleep. I woke up on race day still feeling those jittery feelings in my stomach so I grabbed a Sharpie marker and wrote part of this verse on my arm - big and bold so each time I saw my arm during the race I would be reminded of God's promise to never leave me! 

We left our house extra early because we wanted to get to the race and kind of get a feel for things before our start time. They had start times every 15 minutes from around 8am till almost 4pm. Each group had about 200 or so runners in it. Our start time was 11am, so we got there around 9:30. We picked up our race packets and right on the front in BIG BOLD UNDERLINED letters it said 'YOU MAY DIE OR BE CATASTROPHICALLY INJURED'. Yikes! Made my stomach feel sick inside all over again! 

Besides that sick feeling though it was such a cool environment ... lots of excitement in the air! Some people wandering around had already run the race, many people were waiting for their heat. They had vendors and bag check and food and drinks. It was a really neat place to be! 

We took some 'before' pictures and checked out the course map .... it was a 4.25 mile course through roads, woods, hills, some very rough terrain, etc. Not a typical road race like I was used to!

They had a little area where you could practice some of the obstacles .... 

This is our friend Alyssa practicing the rope climb ... by far the hardest obstacle .... more about that later!

We met up with our friends - Susanne and Ludo are a super fun couple that we worked with years ago but have kept in touch with. Alyssa is a mutual friend through Susanne and Lou that I really ended up bonding with over this event! As it turned out, Ludo was injured and couldn't run, so he took awesome professional photos for us and it was down to just my husband Bob and the 3 girls on our team! We were all a little nervous before the start but excited to tackle this race together and committed to sticking together no matter what! 

OK - now finally, on to the RACE! We started at 11am - you had to climb over a 6 foot wall just to get into the starting stall. It was just prep for what was to come! When you are about to start they have this DJ getting everyone pumped up ... he was so fun and encouraging! Then off we went and it had started! We ran for a little bit, then the first obstacle was jumping over huge hay bales ... we tackled those and headed up a couple HUGE hills. By the time we were nearing the top of the hills many people were walking - myself included! I was sucking wind pretty bad at that point and it was still very early in the race! 

After the hills, we ran through our first mud pits - so from that point on we had wet, sloshing shoes! We had a few walls to climb over and nets to crawl under. Then we approached this Inverted Wall ... All I can say is that your adrenaline really kicks in right when you need it cause I was seriously out of breath when I got to this, but then just attacked it and got over it WAY easier than I ever thought I would! 

{FYI - some of these photos are from online because we didn't have pics taken at every obstacle but I wanted you to be able to see exactly what they looked like.}

After the wall was the Barbed Wire ... you had to crawl under it and trust me, I did NOT want to cut my back up on barbed wire. I was thankful for capri pants because I basically did an army crawl using my arms and dragging my legs and with my pants my legs actually slid pretty easily across the ground. After this we got to the first water station - HALLELUJAH! 

We then started running down this HUGE hill and I was like 'yay, downhill!!' until I realized that when we got to the bottom we had to pick up a large, heavy sandbag and walk back UP the hill carrying it - then when you got to the top, you carried it back down the hill again. Did I ever mention how much I hate HILLS?!?!

Finally at the bottom of the hill we headed into a wooded part - there were a few easier obstacles in the woods like jumping through tires, walking a balance beam, etc. I did go through a really deep squishy section of mud at that point and my shoes were covered! Then, while still in the woods we turned a corner and saw this super high cargo net - similar to the photo below but it was much higher. It went straight up in the air and you had to climb to the top, climb over the wire at the top, then back down the other side. I'm not gonna lie, it was SCARY! I scrambled up there thinking I was doing so well till I got near the top and actually thought about how I was going to swing my leg over the top and suddenly I had a panic attack. I stopped at the top and took a deep breath, then just determined that I was NOT going back down and I HAD to finish what I started. When I finally got over it and down to the ground again I was so proud of myself for tackling my fears! We all cheered each other on and it was such a great environment with everyone cheering and encouraging each other. 

After the woods we came into an open area where there were several obstacles in a row. First was the 8 foot wall. Thankfully the women were allowed to use these small pegs to help - it was still hard, but I would never have made it over without those pegs! After us girls got over I heard Bob say he needed my help - the guys couldn't use the pegs and 8 feet really is HARD to get up and over so I pushed and pushed and helped him get over it too - we were ONE team! After the wall was the Spear Throw - even with ALL my practice, I threw it and couldn't get it to the target - you only got ONE chance and I missed. Anytime you can't complete an obstacle you had to do 30 burpees ... which I hate. Which make me want to throw up. So I sorta cheated ... I did about 12 and moved on ... no one was really counting anyway! ;) 

Then it was on to the obstacle that had haunted my dreams .... the rope climb ... and this is pretty much what it looked like but there were more ropes. You climbed into the ICY COLD water {which actually felt pretty good at that point!} and it was deeper than I expected, it went all the way up to my waist! Then you had to grab a rope and try to get up it and ring the bell at the top. I tried. I failed. I just didn't have the upper body strength to do it. No one on my team made it ... we all did burpees. Oh well, this and the Spear Throw ended up being the only 2 obstacles out of 19 that I missed - not too bad I think! After this was another water stop, I drank about 3 cups! 

 Next up were some easier walls, over one, under the next and through the 3rd one - this was one of the official race photos I found of myself ...

After that we ran a bit, then came to the Atlas ball carry ... You had to pick it up, carry it across to the other flag, drop and do 5 burpees, then pick it up and bring it back to the start. I have no idea HOW heavy it was, but I have never in my life tried to lift something SO heavy. I could BARELY get it up and I was super hunched over carrying it. Then, after I did the burpees I seemed to lose ALL strength and just could NOT pick it up again ... I kept trying until finally Alyssa came over and helped me - being part of a team ROCKS! 

After that we ran through a really wooded area where the trail was very narrow, hilly, and rocky in parts. We came to another big hill, went up it and then had more strength type obstacles to do - the tire flip was not easy, but definitely WAY easier than some of the others! You had to flip it over 2 times one direction, then 2 times back to the start. The men and women had different sized tires, thankfully! The last water stop was right before the tires and again I was SO thankful for it ... I was so hot and thirsty!

We ran some more .... we were getting closer and closer to the finish and we were starting to hear the people at the end and smell the food ... I was SO excited that we were ALMOST done!!

When we got near the finish there were 5 more obstacles to complete ... and a HUGE crowd of spectators watching! It was kind of cool with all those people watching, made you feel like you were really accomplishing something amazing and also made me want to try super hard not to fail at any obstacle!

The first was this huge ladder up and over the road ... it wasn't that hard but took some bravery because it was REALLY high, and when you went over the road the boards were spaced apart and you could see the road through them. I was so proud of Bob for accomplishing this because he has a lot of fear of heights.

Then we came to the horizontal wall ... you had to make your way across it using only the wood pegs - you couldn't grab the top of the wall or put your foot down. I was DETERMINED not to do burpees at that point, especially since there was a large crowd watching us ... I made it all the way across and rung the bell!!! Woohoo!

Ludo took some pictures, here is Susanne coming across the wall ...

And Alyssa ....

And we stopped to snap a quick picture after the wall ... we were SO close to the finish at this point and we were smiling big already!!

Next you had to pull up a heavy sandbag using a pulley ... here is Bob doing his - it was 110 lbs! The girls one was lighter but still hard but thankfully they said the ladies could help each other - so we each helped and got it done!

Almost to the end now and we came up to the Slippery Wall ... you walked into some muddy water first, then had to get up and over the wall with wet feet. I was pleasantly surprised that this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be ....

Ludo got this pic of me going up it ...

And me and Alyssa going over the top ...

At the very end you have to jump over a fire, then cross the finish line .... 

Here is Alyssa jumping with Susanne and I in the background ... we had a bit of a false start and had to back up and get a running start again. It wasn't a lot of flames, but it was VERY HOT!

An official race photo that shows Alyssa after jumping and Bob mid-air behind her!

Bob after he jumped ...

And Susanne jumping over ... 

And then here I go ....

When we crossed the finish line Susanne and I looked at each other and we both had tears in our eyes ... I just couldn't believe we had actually DONE the whole thing and not gotten injured, sick, or passed out - in fact, I'm gonna go ahead and say I think we ROCKED it! They handed us our finisher medals - woohoo!!! They also gave us protein bars, protein shakes and bananas - which I pretty much dug into right away because I felt so depleted! Bob and I snapped this pic right away to send to friends and family - we were very sweaty but so excited to be DONE!

Here is our group victory hug!

Then we took a bunch of photos ....

 They gave out free beer ...{I don't like the taste so I was happy with my Gatorade.} 

We hung around for awhile ... watched other people finish, took lots of photos, checked out the merchandise. It was such a fun environment. 

I noticed my writing had faded a bit but it definitely helped me get through the race!

 This was my official time ... the numbers aren't accurate though because a lot of people hadn't finished the race yet {or even started for that matter.} I checked my results online the other day and I was 3,878 overall out of 6,039 people - 1,330 out of 2,518 females - and 212 out of my age group {I forget how many there were}.

We finally headed home about an hour after our race ... it was such an amazing feeling to accomplish this! I still can't believe we did it! Back at home I pulled out all my cool race 'swag' ... kinda fun to have souvenirs to remember this day by! I now have 4 race medals {we've run a lot more races than that but a lot of races don't give finisher medals.} I have them hanging up in my room, I like to think of them as medals of personal victory!

A couple hours later the bruises started showing up ... and have progressively gotten worse ... my legs, especially my right leg, are COVERED in bruises from throwing myself over all those walls. It's funny that it didn't hurt at the time when I was doing it, must have been the adrenaline! When I woke up on Sunday morning I felt like I had been run over by a Mack truck ... every muscle in my body hurt, I was covered in bruises, it hurt to walk, and even my ribs hurt real bad. Now that a few days have passed the aches and pains have subsided but the bruises are still there. People must really wonder what I did to myself!

So, many have asked if it was fun ... Bob says it was ... I don't know if it was FUN, it was definitely HARD. It pushed me to my limits and showed me that I really AM capable of doing hard things and conquering my fears. I'm not sure if I would do it again or not. One time might be enough for me! Time will tell ... but I will say that doing it with this AMAZING team made it all worth it - so yes, we really DID have fun, we encouraged each other and looked out for one another and formed a bond through this that other people might not understand. I love that we did it - together! So until next time ... AROO!