Grief, Loss & Finding the way to Joy again ...

As I look back on the year of 2011 I can't help but see two things ... a year of loss and grief AND a year of finding joy and contentment. Now honestly, if I were reading this I'd be like 'you're crazy, the 2 cannot be intermixed!' But they can ... and this year I found out firsthand exactly how.

First, a quick run down of just a bit of the grief we have gone through.

*the end of November last year Bob's Grandma died
*early in January my friend Jen's husband died, leaving a young wife and 2 young boys behind
*in the spring we had to put our beloved dog down after 12 yrs
*in the summer we learned that some of our closest friends would be splitting up {much more heartache involved in that but I would rather not share any further details of it}
*also in the summer Bob's Grandpa died, just about 9 months after his wife
*in September a lady I knew from camp growing up died from breast cancer, leaving her hubby and 10 kids behind {5 biological and 5 through foster care adoption}
*in the fall a lady we knew through college friends died of breast cancer - leaving her 5 young daughters and less than 2 yr old baby boy {and husband} behind
*and then the week before Christmas one of my hubby's childhood friends died, leaving his young wife and 2 young children behind.

And that's when I fell apart. For about 3 days straight I cried off and on throughout the day. I would pull myself together anytime someone saw me or when I needed to take care of my kids. But whenever no one was looking my eyes would fill up with tears and my heart would fill up with pain and sadness and grief.

And even though I have never, ever questioned my belief in God, or wavered in trusting Him ... during that time I will admit that my faith was shaken. And I cried out to God asking WHY?! How dare you? How could you? Why would you think that these young children and these young wives/husbands would be better off WITHOUT their mother or father or spouse here in this life??

At that point it would have been so easy to run from God, turn my back on Him and blame Him for all the sadness. I could have said 'I can't do this anymore' and walked away. I could have chosen to give up on church and following the Lord. But I decided to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and that included going to church that following Sunday.

Now you have to know {if you haven't already figured this out by now}, I'm a very emotional person. And even going to church on a normal week makes me emotional at times. The worship music will often make me cry, just being overwhelmed with emotion of what my Savior has done for me. So heading to church this particular Sunday was going to be tough. I knew they would say something about this friend of Bob's who had died because he grew up in that church and his parents still attend there. I literally came to church with my purse full of tissues {just in case}.

Yes, our pastor did talk about the young man who had died. Yes, I cried a little. But then things took a different turn as this week's sermon was about "The Gift of Joy". {Isn't it wonderful how the Lord orchestrates these things, HE knew this was a sermon that I and many others would need to hear on this exact day!} Here are a few things I noted about the sermon that day ...

* We need to realize and recognize the true source of JOY. It doesn't come from US, it comes from God. Back in the fall when I did the whole month series on being a Joyful Wife and Mother I think I really missed the mark on this point. I noted far too many times that joy is a choice WE make as if it fully depends on US. However, I think I failed to point out that true joy comes from the Lord. From knowing Him, following Him and having a relationship with Him. HE created JOY, HE gives us JOY.

* Joy is not dependant on what we DO. It's based on what He's already done! Our Heavenly Father created this amazing world and gave up His only Son to die in our place and that alone should bring us JOY! Joy should not depend on how I feel today or what I have or don't have ... it should be a gracious acceptance of this amazing gift the Lord has given to us.

* In the midst of sorrowful times, I need to pray 'Lord, give me joy ...' And He will. He knows our hearts, He knows our pain and He is faithful to bring joy into our lives again.

* Don't trade joy for amusement. Sometimes I'm guilty of making this mistake. I confuse good times or fun events for joy. And even though those things can make me happy and bring fun and laughter into my life - they may not be sourced in the true giver of Joy - which is Jesus. Ask yourself, is my joy sourced in Jesus?

* I need to find my joy in Jesus ... even when other people might seem to have it better than me. There will always be someone who is thinner, prettier, has a bigger/better house than mine, etc. But if I'm hanging my joy on those things than I will ALWAYS fall short.

Nehemiah 8:10 says, "The joy of the Lord is your strength."

So this year, I pray that I will learn to find all my joy from the Lord. To accept His gift of salvation and grace and gratefully remember that HIS joy will be my strength, no matter what events happen around me, no matter how I feel, no matter how much grief comes into my life.

It doesn't mean this life will be easy. There will ALWAYS be pain, sadness and grief. I don't understand it. I don't know why the Lord allows these things to happen. But I DO choose to keep trusting in Him.

Jesus says in John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

I could choose to walk away from the Lord and blame Him for all the pain in this life ... but where would that leave me? Angry, bitter, dwelling in grief.

Or the alternative is to trust God, follow Him and have true PEACE and true JOY and know that I have the HOPE of eternity in heaven to look forward to - where I will JOYfully be reunited with all those beloved people who have gone before me. And that my friends, is what I choose.

I pray that no matter what 2012 holds for you {and I} that we will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our Heavenly Father loves us and will take us through those painful times and will be by our side through it all.

Christmas Memories 2011

We had an absolutely WONDERFUL, peaceful, family-filled Christmas! I want to document all the memories here for the sake of journaling / memory keeping [because my memory just isn’t what it used to be and a couple months from now I will forget all this!]

On the Sunday before Christmas our church had an all-Church carol sing. They have all the kids [except babies] come up from all the Sunday school classes, stand on stage and sing with the whole congregation. Our church has 3 services on Sunday mornings and this was just the amount of kids from ONE service! It’s always a special Sunday for everyone.

Afterwards, I took a picture of the girls and some of their closest friends. They are so blessed with so many great Christian friends! 

We had a very quiet, relaxed week after that. No school. In fact we’ve done very little school this month. We’ve been busy crafting and shopping and baking and doing many other little things. I always feel like it’s OK to take such an extended break because we’ll have lots of cold winter days in Jan and Feb when we can do plenty of school work.

So on Monday we took the girls out for lunch and then to Cabela’s. It’s a bit of a drive from our house but we had never been there before and kept hearing how cool it was. It did not disappoint! It was a very cool, very fun store. We actually didn’t buy a single thing there, but just enjoying looking around at everything!

On Thursday the girls went to my MIL’s house so hubby and I enjoyed a lovely winter walk in the woods. It felt SO good to get outside and use my muscles!

I have been enjoying the glow of the lights for weeks now … I’ll be sad when we take our tree out … I guess I’m not the only one who enjoys it!

On Christmas Eve I prepped everything in advance so we wouldn’t have to do much on Christmas day. I got the table all set and ready to go …

This ‘bouquet’ cost me about $7 at the grocery store … then I just spruced it up a bit with some pine-y greens from our yard. I put pines all down the center of the table, then stuck small glass votive holders throughout the greens. Added red or white votive candles and voila, a pretty tablescape!

Our church did 3 services on Christmas Eve and just one on Christmas day. That way if you chose to stay home with family on Christmas day you could have gone on Christmas eve instead. So our daughters were part of the service on Christmas eve … they both sang in the Praise Kids group, then our oldest was one of the narrators. They both did an amazing job and did not seem nervous at all!

When we got home from church we took a couple pictures…

[Bob had already changed out of his church clothes before I could get my camera out!]

We had a fun and relaxing night with my in laws and brother in law here. We had pizza and other snacks, the guys watched the Patriots game, then we played Christmas bingo and Apples to Apples [which was a family gift that we let the girls open].

Every year on Christmas Eve we give the girls a ‘spiritual gift’. This is to celebrate them accepting the Lord as their Savior. My oldest accepted the Lord on Christmas Eve when she was 6 and my youngest accepting the Lord on Dec. 2nd when she was also 6. So each year we want to honor those ‘birthdays’ with a small gift.

This year I had made the girls some cute aprons and gave them with a cookie cutter, some sprinkles and a wooden spoon. I asked my daughter ‘why do you think this might be a gift for your spiritual birthday?’ and she said ‘because we could make cookies to give to someone else’. YES!! So happy to have sweet, caring daughters who really get it and want to serve others!

After the girls went to bed we brought out all the gifts and got them all situated under the tree. I was so tired and ready to call it a night at that point!

Christmas morning! I woke up thinking I was the first up, then discovered that my Mother in law and daughter were already up. My Mom arrived shortly after and then my other daughter got up. We ended up having to wake my hubby and Father in law cause they just kept sleeping and sleeping!

We had coffee and got breakfast in the oven. My girls were being SO patient and didn’t even ask about when we could do gifts! It ended up breakfast was ready by the time the men got up, so we decided to eat first while things were hot. We had an amazing breakfast casserole, fresh pineapple and a delicious Apple bread/danish thing that my neighbor gave us. Everything was so scrumptious!

After that we finally let the girls get busy opening things. We start with stockings and let each person go one at a time so we can all see what each other got. [Hubby was still half asleep! haha!]

One of my FAVE gifts … the girls painted 2 of these pieces of driftwood … they are beautiful! I have several items of the girls artwork in my home and always love when they make us something. They take art lessons from my FIL and are very talented [as is he].

When my brother in law arrived we did a family devotion time. We read some verses and the story of Jesus birth from Luke 2. Such a nice reminder of what it’s all truly about.

I was SO impressed with how good the pup was on Christmas! Even with lots of people here and food and gifts and all kinds of craziness she was an angel. She did so well!

Later in the day the guys watched the Celtics game. This family is so into sports it’s not even funny, so it’s to be expected that on holidays they will be found in front of the TV watching a game. I have learned to accept it. ;)

So I took some pics while everyone was kind of just doing their own thing. The girls played together with their new things ALL day! They never fought, argued, nothing! They were just do happy with all their new stuff!

Here is my lovely Mom with the girls.

My in laws.

Hubby and I.

My brother in law, Aaron [with Gracie]

Bob’s new ski goggles, he LOVES to ski!

Joy and I.

Hope and I.

My Mom and I.

The guys, all fixated on the game.

We didn’t buy or get anything electronic this year. No movies, no CD’s, no wii games, no ipads, no DS’s, no kindles, NOTHING. The girls didn’t ask for any of that and we figured we didn’t need any of that. The girls wanted, get this …. pretend food. And a pretend cash register. YEP! They still love to play restaurant and stuff like that. I LOVE that they still love to use their imaginations. I almost thought they were getting too grown up for that stuff, but they were THRILLED when they opened those gifts and haven’t stopped playing with the stuff.

Now, I’m not saying we are anti-electronics around here. We have a wii, the girls have DS’s … BUT as much as they would love an itouch, ipad, kindle, etc … I feel like why would they need ANOTHER electronic game device when they already have one? And I loved that they weren’t sitting there glued to a video game – instead they were PLAYING! I feel like simple, imaginative PLAY is becoming a lost art in our society. So anyway, sorry, that was my little soap box moment … hahahaha.

 

Speaking of FUN and PLAYING … later that day we did some Minute to Win It games. It was SO.MUCH.FUN! You have to try this stuff with your family. We chose 3 simple games and it was a blast! I took video of the first 2 games, but then my video camera died, so the last game is here in pictures. You have to get a cookie from your forehead into your mouth without touching it with your hands. [In less than a minute!] It was HARD and so, so hilarious!

So, that’s about all. After my in laws and brother in law and my Mom went home we just relaxed with the girls. We put a movie on to watch and of course *I* was the one who fell asleep. Just so exhausted after a couple of busy days. It was a very memorable Christmas. I am blessed and I am thankful.

PS. My fave gift that I got was a Rotary Cutter! Now I can cut out the circles for my fabric flowers so much easier and faster! I am SO excited. One of my goals for January is to get my etsy shop up and running so stay tuned for that! =)

Favorite Photo{s} of 2011

Today I'm linking up with 2 of my favorite bloggers, Sam at Sam's Noggin and Rachel at Finding Joy... we're talking about our favorite photo from 2011.

Rachel assured us that it was no big deal if you chose more than one photo and I'm so glad because I could only narrow it down to these three ...


This was taken at the beach near where we live, we went there one evening in June with food to grill on the outdoor grills they have there. We had a sunset picnic together while watching the sailboats go by and then took some fun silhouette photos when the sun was setting. It was a wonderful evening for all of us.
This photo was taken this summer, at another beach near us. We went out there on my FIL's boat with a bunch of friends and a bunch of my family members. The 7 kids had a BLAST that day playing, swimming, exploring together. There was this awesome, HUGE tree washed up on the beach so I lined up all the kids and took this photo which I think came out so cute!

And the final picture was taken in New Hampshire when we went hiking this fall. This is by far our favorite trip every year and we spend the days up there hiking, seeing waterfalls, and just enjoying family time. I just love seeing the amazing beauty of God's creation when we're up there!

I love how looking through photos can take you down memory lane. Looking over my photos for the year I was reminded of how many fun and memorable experiences we were blessed to have this year. We are truly blessed to live this amazing life and I'm glad that through the lens of the camera we can capture those memories and have them forever.

Wanna join the fun? Click on over to Sam or Rachel's blogs and link up YOUR fave photo for 2011!

A Word for the coming year

Last year I was challenged and inspired to choose a word for my year. The idea was that for the whole year I would focus on that word or thought and prayerfully use it as a goal.

Well last year I actually chose 2 words, I just couldn't narrow it down to one and both words kept coming to mind so I decided to go with both. They were 'words' and 'time'. My goal for both for the year was to learn to use both my words and my time more wisely.

Did I accomplish that? Sure. Not to perfection of course and obviously there were many times I failed at them. But in general I felt like I was able to keep both ideas in the back of my mind and work towards them all year long. I'm still a work in progress as you already know and I will still need to learn to use my words and time wisely as each year passes. {It's definitely an ongoing process!}

So yesterday as we ate Christmas dinner I brought up the idea to my family. {There were 8 of us, 6 adults and my 2 girls.} I asked the question, 'If you could come up with one word that would be your goal for the coming year, what would it be?'

Here is what everyone came up with:
Health
Motivation
Simplify
Achieve
Focus
Exercise
Ahead
Health {more than one person said it}

The person who said 'ahead' meant financially - not meaning that they're goal was to be rich, but just that through proper budgeting they would be able to get ahead of things this year. I thought that was a good goal.

My daughters shocked me with their maturity ... my 8 year old was the one who said 'achieve' and my 10 year old said 'focus'. Such amazing thoughts/goals for young girls! And I of course told them I would gladly use these words to encourage them in their school work! LOL

My word is Simplify. I have grown weary being in a house filled with things we don't need/want or use. I also get very worn out when our schedules are over crowded. So my goal this year is to simplify our lives. I want to clear out the clutter, clear our schedules more, spend more time doing the simple things like reading books and playing board games and riding bikes together.

I was watching some home movies with my girls this week and I noticed in the videos that when my girls were really little my house had a LOT less stuff. Less furniture, less stuff on the walls, less clutter ... and I was like WOW, how did we get from there to here? How did we accumulate so much unnecessary stuff?!

So those are our words. Last year I spent the first several weeks of the year looking up and writing down scripture passages that related to my words. I plan to do that again this year because really, it doesn't really matter what *I* think about these words, my goal should be what the Lord would want me to do with these goals. I also find that Pinterest has some GREAT inspiration and hope to find some neat sayings/quotes that I can print out for each one of us to help us remember and focus on our goals.

How about you? If you had to choose just one word to sum up your goals for 2012, what would it be? Will you challenge yourself to make it a goal, see what the Word of God has to say about it and work toward it this year?

Merry CHRISTmas!

Just want to wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas! I hope this weekend brings you closer to the ones you love and closer to the King of Kings who came as a tiny baby so many years ago in Bethlehem.

Today

Today I have so many jumbled random thoughts running through my head.

Today my space bar is sticking on my laptop [think I need to pick up some compressed air and give it a good cleaning]

Today I am almost prepared for Christmas, however, we have run out of wrapping paper ... so I will head off to the dreaded Wally-world and get some more.

Today I am ashamed at how I've let my quiet time slack so bad the past few weeks, but I was highly encouraged with THIS post, and hope you'll check it out too.

Today my hubby went skiing for the first time this season.

Today I will try not to eat as many Christmas cookies as I did yesterday. :->

Today I want to share with you THIS post about disagreements and maturity in marriage .... oh how true this rang for me ... I was so young and immature also in my first few years of marriage! I am thankful that my hubby accepted me fully even with all my silly faults and failings and thankful that the Lord has grown me in so many ways!

Today it's supposed to rain ... but I really, really wish it would snow ... call me crazy but it just doesn't feel like Christmas without snow!

Today I am hoping that you have a great day, that whatever you do, wherever you are, you will KNOW without a doubt that you are loved by God and that you will feel His presence with you throughout your day.

Homemade Gifts ~ Aprons for Kids

Ready for picture overload and another tutorial today? Good! Here we go!

I love to make at least one homemade gift for my girls each year. First, I like to be crafty and creative, plus I like for them to see that all gifts don’t have to be costly {or electronic!} to be enjoyed.

While shopping on Black Friday I found these child sized aprons at AC Moore and knew they would be perfect. My girls LOVE to help with baking and I thought they might like having their own personalized, custom aprons to wear each time we bake. {I also decided to make one for my niece who is the same age as my daughter.}

Here’s what you’ll need:

* Child sized aprons {you could make your own, but these were pretty inexpensive so I figured I’d save myself one step and just buy the ones that were already made}

* Some fun cooking accessories – I got this bag of wooden spoons for just a buck!

 

* Fun colored sprinkles

* A cute cookie cutter for each child, I went with butterflies so they could be used year round.

* A few different spools of coordinating ribbon

* Felt in some fun colors/patterns {our AC Moore had lots of colors/patterns of these felt squares.}

OK, let’s get started. First use construction paper and cut out the letters you want to use to monogram. Figure out how large you want the letter to be and what font or whatever. I just kinda winged it and started cutting until I like the shape and size of the letters.

Flip the letter over and trace onto the BACK side of your felt fabric …

Then cut the felt letter out and flip back over to the right side.

Next, for an extra layer of felt {just for fun} pin your felt letter, right side down, onto another piece of felt in a coordinating color.

Then, using pinking shears, cut around the letter, leaving just a little extra on the edges so you will see BOTH felt colors when you’re done ….

It should look like this when you’re done …

Now you’re going to take your apron and figure out the basic layout of where you want things to be. Lay out your letter and your ribbons and play around with the placement until you have them just where you want them.

Leave some overlap on the ribbons, you’ll cut off the excess later, but for now just let it hang over the edges.

Now pin the letter and ribbons to the apron so that when you sew, they won’t shift and will stay just where you want them. After it is sewn on, it will look like the picture on the right …

Then sew along the ribbons too. I sewed right through the middle of each ribbon, except for the top one. Since it had words on it and I didn’t want to sew over the words, I carefully sewed a line above AND under the words. If you have really wide ribbon you might want to sew the top and bottom, but otherwise these thin ribbons only need one line of stitches.

Then flip the apron over and pin down the excess of the ribbons …

Then you will sew a line right up the edge to keep the end of the ribbons in place.

At this point you can cut off your excess.

OK, here’s what we have so far … but I thought I wanted just a little bit more flare soooo …

I used some of the excess felt, some pinking shears and some cute buttons, and I made these little rosette kinda things to attached to the top corner of the apron. Just cut 3 different fabrics into circles, I totally winged-it here and just started cutting the felt until I liked the way it looked. {have you noticed I do that a lot!?} I sewed the bottom one down to the apron with my machine, then just used a cute button to keep all 3 together.

And here are the 3 completed aprons!!!

 

Now, when you give these as a gift, simply attach the cute cookie cutter, a wooden spoon and a jar of sprinkles. It would also be cute to give with a jar of ‘Cookies in a Jar’ mix!! And don’t forget to give a recipe for Sugar Cookie Cutouts with it too!

Happy Crafting!