Grief, Loss & Finding the way to Joy again ...

As I look back on the year of 2011 I can't help but see two things ... a year of loss and grief AND a year of finding joy and contentment. Now honestly, if I were reading this I'd be like 'you're crazy, the 2 cannot be intermixed!' But they can ... and this year I found out firsthand exactly how.

First, a quick run down of just a bit of the grief we have gone through.

*the end of November last year Bob's Grandma died
*early in January my friend Jen's husband died, leaving a young wife and 2 young boys behind
*in the spring we had to put our beloved dog down after 12 yrs
*in the summer we learned that some of our closest friends would be splitting up {much more heartache involved in that but I would rather not share any further details of it}
*also in the summer Bob's Grandpa died, just about 9 months after his wife
*in September a lady I knew from camp growing up died from breast cancer, leaving her hubby and 10 kids behind {5 biological and 5 through foster care adoption}
*in the fall a lady we knew through college friends died of breast cancer - leaving her 5 young daughters and less than 2 yr old baby boy {and husband} behind
*and then the week before Christmas one of my hubby's childhood friends died, leaving his young wife and 2 young children behind.

And that's when I fell apart. For about 3 days straight I cried off and on throughout the day. I would pull myself together anytime someone saw me or when I needed to take care of my kids. But whenever no one was looking my eyes would fill up with tears and my heart would fill up with pain and sadness and grief.

And even though I have never, ever questioned my belief in God, or wavered in trusting Him ... during that time I will admit that my faith was shaken. And I cried out to God asking WHY?! How dare you? How could you? Why would you think that these young children and these young wives/husbands would be better off WITHOUT their mother or father or spouse here in this life??

At that point it would have been so easy to run from God, turn my back on Him and blame Him for all the sadness. I could have said 'I can't do this anymore' and walked away. I could have chosen to give up on church and following the Lord. But I decided to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and that included going to church that following Sunday.

Now you have to know {if you haven't already figured this out by now}, I'm a very emotional person. And even going to church on a normal week makes me emotional at times. The worship music will often make me cry, just being overwhelmed with emotion of what my Savior has done for me. So heading to church this particular Sunday was going to be tough. I knew they would say something about this friend of Bob's who had died because he grew up in that church and his parents still attend there. I literally came to church with my purse full of tissues {just in case}.

Yes, our pastor did talk about the young man who had died. Yes, I cried a little. But then things took a different turn as this week's sermon was about "The Gift of Joy". {Isn't it wonderful how the Lord orchestrates these things, HE knew this was a sermon that I and many others would need to hear on this exact day!} Here are a few things I noted about the sermon that day ...

* We need to realize and recognize the true source of JOY. It doesn't come from US, it comes from God. Back in the fall when I did the whole month series on being a Joyful Wife and Mother I think I really missed the mark on this point. I noted far too many times that joy is a choice WE make as if it fully depends on US. However, I think I failed to point out that true joy comes from the Lord. From knowing Him, following Him and having a relationship with Him. HE created JOY, HE gives us JOY.

* Joy is not dependant on what we DO. It's based on what He's already done! Our Heavenly Father created this amazing world and gave up His only Son to die in our place and that alone should bring us JOY! Joy should not depend on how I feel today or what I have or don't have ... it should be a gracious acceptance of this amazing gift the Lord has given to us.

* In the midst of sorrowful times, I need to pray 'Lord, give me joy ...' And He will. He knows our hearts, He knows our pain and He is faithful to bring joy into our lives again.

* Don't trade joy for amusement. Sometimes I'm guilty of making this mistake. I confuse good times or fun events for joy. And even though those things can make me happy and bring fun and laughter into my life - they may not be sourced in the true giver of Joy - which is Jesus. Ask yourself, is my joy sourced in Jesus?

* I need to find my joy in Jesus ... even when other people might seem to have it better than me. There will always be someone who is thinner, prettier, has a bigger/better house than mine, etc. But if I'm hanging my joy on those things than I will ALWAYS fall short.

Nehemiah 8:10 says, "The joy of the Lord is your strength."

So this year, I pray that I will learn to find all my joy from the Lord. To accept His gift of salvation and grace and gratefully remember that HIS joy will be my strength, no matter what events happen around me, no matter how I feel, no matter how much grief comes into my life.

It doesn't mean this life will be easy. There will ALWAYS be pain, sadness and grief. I don't understand it. I don't know why the Lord allows these things to happen. But I DO choose to keep trusting in Him.

Jesus says in John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

I could choose to walk away from the Lord and blame Him for all the pain in this life ... but where would that leave me? Angry, bitter, dwelling in grief.

Or the alternative is to trust God, follow Him and have true PEACE and true JOY and know that I have the HOPE of eternity in heaven to look forward to - where I will JOYfully be reunited with all those beloved people who have gone before me. And that my friends, is what I choose.

I pray that no matter what 2012 holds for you {and I} that we will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our Heavenly Father loves us and will take us through those painful times and will be by our side through it all.