{Day 12} Sharing the Load

Hello friends! OK, I’m back and feeling SO much better tonight. I don’t know why my body does this, but at certain times when I’m very tired and worn out I literally start to feel like I am going to throw up. I get pain in my stomach, that yucky nauseous feeling, chills, pounding headaches, etc. So yesterday I think I may have overdone it and suddenly when I finally sat down at the end of the evening I got that whole yucky feeling again. That’s why my post for today was super quick. I like to write the posts the night before when I have more time to think and write and unfortunately it just hit me like a load of bricks last night so I couldn't write much! The weird thing is that every time this happens to me, I go to bed and wake up the next day totally fine. It’s like a temporary flu that’s just telling me ‘you need to get some sleep!’ Weird, huh?

Anyway, let’s move on! I just want to make sure that it’s totally, completely clear that I do NOT have a perfect life or marriage, nor am I the perfect Mom. I hope that’s a given, but would never want anyone to think that because I’ve chosen to write about all this, that I for one second think I’ve got it all figured out – because I definitely don’t! Trust me! =)

So, today I want to focus on sharing the load. I realize this could be a very heated discussion depending on your views of who should take care of which responsibilities in the home. Many people would say that a stay at home Mom should do everything related to the home, cooking and caring for the kids. Someone with a more liberal view would say that men and women should share all jobs and none should be gender specific. I’m simply going to share what we do, and why it works for us. Please don’t think I’m saying this is what everyone must do in their homes.

Now, let’s back up just a bit. I feel like you can tell so much about a man by the way he treats his mother, can I get an Amen?! I also think you can tell a lot about him by the way he is raised. Was he raised by a Mom who doted on his every need? Was he taught to be helpful around the house? Did he go to college knowing how to do his own laundry? Does he know how to cook a few simple meals? Things like this will give you a glimpse into the way he will be around your home too.

I personally am BLESSED. I would say lucky, but there’s no luck involved here, I’m simply blessed by the Lord with a husband who loves and respects his Mother, is a willing helper around the house, and not only knows how to cook but loves doing it.

In our early years of marriage we both worked full time jobs. I believe those were the years when our work-sharing began. Because we both worked full time, we both also helped do things around the house. We would both do dishes together, both throw a load of laundry in, both help rake the yard, etc. Yes, there were some things that he always tended to and yes, there were some things I always tended to. But overall, we shared much of the work and it worked wonderfully for us.

Then I had a baby and became a stay at home Mom. Did Bob suddenly become a different person who no longer helped with laundry or dishes simply because I was home full time? No, he didn’t. He could have, because the truth was I WAS home full time – but at that point he couldn't really change who he was. He was used to doing those things and being helpful and he just continued to do so. There were some things he couldn’t do – like nursing a baby at 3am. Or some things I may have done more of – like changing yucky diapers. But he continued to be helpful to me around the home – which for those of you with new or young babies know - it’s so wonderful!

Then I had another baby – only 17 mos later. We had two in cribs and 2 in diapers and things were a little crazy for a while. Again, he helped wherever and whenever he could. And he worked the evening shift, so he got to miss out on the ‘witching hour’ of dinner, baths and bedtime when little ones tended to get pretty cranky. ;)

Things are a little bit different now, but in some ways nothing has changed. I still stay home with my girls, who are now 10 & 8. But I also homeschool them, which in many ways is like a full time job in itself. My husband still works outside the home, but is blessed to have a great job where he doesn’t have a lot of hours and never brings the job home with him. So what does he do in those spare hours? He helps me, he exercises, he sometimes goes fishing or enjoys other hobbies, but he’s always on the go. Most days when he’s getting ready to head out to do stuff he’ll ask if I need anything – like if I need him to run to the post office, or drop books at the library, or pick up some milk. It’s so helpful so we can just do school and not worry about those things.

Now that the girls are a bit older they also help around the house. It’s literally a team effort around here. We all do chores, we all help with meals, we all help with errands, etc. We’re all part of this family and sharing responsibilities is just natural for us. As a homeschooling Mom, I sometimes struggle to find balance in ‘getting it all done’. Keeping up with doing school, keeping the house clean, taking the girls to sports and activities, being involved in ministry at church, etc – all those things require much of me. And having a husband who is willing to step in and say ‘hey, how can I help?’ blesses my heart on a daily basis. Some days that means he will run some errands for me, so I can focus on school with the girls. Some days that means he cleans up the dishes at the end of a night because I’m exhausted. There are so many examples of him being helpful to me.

There are still some things that are sort of split up though – for instance, he typically handles most of the outdoor work {mowing the lawn, taking care of the pool, etc}. And I have always done things like cleaning the bathrooms {toilets!}, washing windows, cleaning floors, etc. But then there are those times when we come together and tackle the big things together – like yesterday when we cleaned out our entire {nasty} garage, which took HOURS and was super disgusting. But it was such a great feeling of accomplishment and something we did together. We also love to do fall clean-up and raking all together, or snow plowing & shoveling all together. Those things are actually a lot of fun to do together as a family!

OK, so this is getting super long winded which was not my intent. But anyhow, I think you get the point.

Today’s challenge:

Figure out who is doing what around your home. Are there things you could be doing together, jobs you could be sharing? And if your husband already has a huge workload or long hours, what are some things you could do for him – what would really bless him? For my hubby, he hates coming home to a stinky sink full of dirty dishes – so I’ve learned to try to get those cleaned up or put away before he comes home. Just a small little thing, but it makes our home much nicer for him to come home to. What could you do that would bless your husband? Iron his shirts for work? Make his lunch? I’d be willing to bet that the more you reach out and help him and bless him – he will begin to reciprocate and help you too! And if he doesn’t, and you’re really maxed out and stressed, just ask him {nicely!} if he could lend a hand. =)