The Girly Weekend Update

Hey friends! I just realized that a whole week has gone by and I forgot to update on how our girly weekend went last week! If you remember, my hubby was away for the weekend with some buddies, so it was just us girls at home. This is what I posted that we had planned to do together:

Make: * Banana Bread * Pumpkin Bread * Pumpkin/Caramel Butter * Homemade applesauce *A new soup recipe

We also plan to ...
Have a spa night at home, watch movies, sleep in Mommy's room, go to Hope's soccer game, go to church, go to our Bible study group, and if I still have time I might try to work on my current organization project which is my basement/craft area.

Well, we DID get all our baking done … we did 5 loaves of Banana bread, 5 loaves of pumpkin bread, 12 jars of applesauce and 6 jars of the caramel/pumpkin butter. We also had the new soup and great news – it was a hit! A bit on the spicy side but after a LONG day it was great to come home to hot, yummy soup that was all ready to eat. The girls and I gobbled it up!

Hope accidentally turned the mixer onto HIGH and the flour went everywhere! We could NOT stop laughing!

This was our first taste of warm Banana bread with Pumpkin/Caramel butter on it – delish!

The first night we got a movie from the Red Box and did a Spa night. We soaked our feet, did our nails and just relaxed while watching the movie.

Oh and of course, we had a special dessert – brownie sundaes!

On Saturday we went to Hope’s soccer game – which they WON! Then we went to a Fall Carnival at the school where some of our friends go, then we went to see Dolphin Tale at the movie theater. It was a busy, but fun day {no pictures, sorry!}. Then we came home, had the soup and watched The Indian in the Cupboard from Red Box.

I have to tell you – we all LOVE, LOVE, LOVED Dolphin Tale! It was such a wonderful story in a million ways. I swear I had a lump in my throat & tears in my eyes through the WHOLE thing! And I loved that they didn’t add any stupid love story stuff in it so it was great for kids. There was a young girl and boy in it and also a single woman and single man in it – both of which you could ALMOST see how many movies would have made either of them into a romantic type relationship – but not this movie! I just can’t say enough about it, it was great!

On Sunday we got up and went to church, then I got a surprise when my friend offered to take both girls to play with her daughters for the afternoon. So with Bob away and the girls at a playdate I ended up going out to lunch with my Mom and some of her friends, and then running a couple errands. By the time I got home I only had about an hour before I had to leave again for our Bible Study small group. {The girls were there, the hosts are the friends they went to play with.} So I went to Bible study and got the girls and when we came home Bob was home.

All in all we had a GREAT weekend!

{Day 8} Just Do It

Hey friends! Today I’m gonna make this short and sweet – partly because it’s 10:30pm on Friday night and I’m simply exhausted from a busy week – and partly because this is a topic that really needs little discussion.

In fact, I’m going to jump straight into your challenge for today:

Intimacy {in marriage} is a WONDERFUL thing that God created for our pleasure. It’s vitally important that you make time for it. I know it’s hard, we’re all tired and worn out. But it needs to be a priority because God wired men to need it and being a Godly wife means you need to provide it!

If you think you aren’t really in the mood, just pretend a little and I can almost guarantee that once you get into it you WILL be in the mood. :) I read somewhere that you should aim for at least twice per week – one day that you choose and one that your spouse chooses. I’ve also heard of couples who literally schedule it for certain nights because if they didn’t their busy life would get in the way. Any way you need to make it happen is fine, but take a hint from NIKE and Just Do It!

OK, this seems really weird to talk about so openly so I’m gonna leave it at that.

If you’d like to see what all the other 31 dayers are writing about just click here.

{Day 7} Plan Dates

Welcome back to 31 Days to Becoming a Joyful Wife and Mother! I can hardly believe we’re already on day 7!

I will be posting more about being a joyful Mother in the coming weeks… but this week I’m focusing specifically on being a joyful wife.

Let’s talk about dating your spouse! You might think it sounds funny to date someone you live with daily and see all the time but trust me, dating your spouse is JUST as important now as it was before you were married.

Dating your spouse doesn’t have to mean going on big, fancy, expensive dates either! When your kids are very small and you’re totally exhausted a date with your spouse might simply be eating dinner together at home after the kids are tucked in to bed. This can be a lot of fun and won’t cost much at all. Just get the little ones tucked in early, order some takeout, and maybe play a board game together. I would suggest a movie, but that doesn’t make for much conversation time. So I’d say you should stick with a fun board game so you can still talk while playing. The important thing is being together and being able to talk with one another.

Here are some other ideas for dating your spouse:

* trade childcare with other friends who have kids. A friend of mine does this – they watch their own kids + the friend’s kids so their friends can go out on a date – then the next week they go out and the friends watch all the kids. If you think about it, everyone wins cause the kids will LOVE playing with their friends and you’ll get a date night every other week!

* do something fun like bowling, roller skating, or ice skating. Act like teenagers, hold hands, flirt with one another, be silly and have fun!

* Go to dinner – but make sure you choose somewhere you can have good conversation! If you go somewhere super noisy or full of distractions, it will be hard to talk during dinner.

* Do something outdoors together. Go for a walk, hike, bike, etc. Take a moonlit walk on the beach, put on some snow shoes and hike through the snowy woods … the possibilities are endless and can be done in any season.

* plan a surprise date – don’t tell him when or where you’re going, just plan it all and ask him to come along. It will be fun for him to see what kinds of things you cooked up for him. Make sure you plan and take care of the childcare ahead of time too!

I’m sure you all have a LOT more date ideas too … please share them in the comments if you can!

I know that making time for dating your spouse can be tricky with our busy schedules and trying to find childcare, but I hope you can see how vitally important it is for the health of your marriage. I want you to think about your relationship with your husband and what it might look like when your kids are grown and have left home. If you have focused ALL your time and ALL your attention on your kids and none on your spouse – where will that leave you when your kids are gone? You’ll have little to nothing to talk about or focus on anymore and trying to rekindle things at that point will be difficult. Instead, let’s make sure we keep a proper balance NOW, giving enough time and attention to our husband, so that when the kids are grown and gone we’ll still have a strong and loving marriage.

Today’s challenge:

When was the last time you and your hubby went on a date together? Just the two of you? If it’s been a while or you simply can’t remember it’s time to start planning that date now! Figure out a time when you can have someone else watch the kids and you can go out on a date. And if you know it’s going to be awhile due to time or money constraints then start planning that ‘at home’ date  - perhaps you could even do it this weekend?!

Oh, I forgot to mention … no one said dates had to be on weekends or at night … many times the only date my husband and I get together are on a Tuesday afternoon when the kids are at my Mother in law’s house. We often go for a walk or hike and then out to lunch and sometimes run errands together. I know it seems so simple, but it’s alone time together and it’s important.

If you’d like to check out the other 31 dayers, please click here.

“Between” Girls Devotional

This year for our school Bible time I got this great devotional for the girls to use. It’s called Between God and Me and it’s by Vicki Courtney. The one I bought is a study of the book of Proverbs.

I had to write about it because we are loving it SO much and I didn’t want to keep it to ourselves! It’s set up to look like a fun, vibrant, girly magazine and it’s chock full of great information.

I love that they help interpret the strange wording of the Bible in a way that young girls can understand.

I love that there are practical applications with activities and questions.

And I really love that the topics covered deal with typical tween girl issues like friends, bullies, being honest and truthful and listening to your parents instructions.

 

Here are the girls with an activity they did the other day … I love that our school is named after this verse “Above all else guard your heart, for it is the Wellspring of life” Prov. 4:23 … the girls made a picture of their guarded heart.

So if you have young girls I would HIGHLY recommend checking this great devotional book out! We found ours on Amazon.com.

{Day 6} No Yelling!

Want to know a little secret? My husband and I don’t yell at each other … we never have, we {hopefully} never will. Now I realize there are many who will vehemently disagree with me on this, but hear me out please!

Have you ever been yelled at? When was the last time? When you were a child? How about as an adult? I can’t remember the last time I was yelled at, but I DO remember a specific time when I was about 20 years old and I worked at the Olive Garden. I had this MEAN, nasty, overbearing manager who liked to yell at us, boss us around and basically just berate us in front of others. It was AWFUL! I dreaded those nights when I had to work with that manager! The way this manager talked to me made me feel like I was about 2 inches tall, worthless, useless, etc.

Yelling is a very condescending thing to do. When you raise your voice to yell at someone you are trying to make them feel bad or trying to prove that your point needs to be heard more than theirs. {Please know I’m not talking about when you need to yell to warn someone of impending danger or yell something from another room so they can hear you.}

I am thankful that the Lord gave me a VERY patient and understanding husband. I’m sure there have been times in our marriage when he wanted to yell at me or was very upset or frustrated with me – but instead of yelling at me and making me feel like an idiot or a child – he always speaks with me in a calm way, showing he respects me enough to maintain composure while we talk.

I personally am still working on my patience skills. See, I used to have this yelling issue with my children. I know, it might seem wild to say that I would never yell at my hubby, but would often yell and even scream at my children! It was insane! I call those years my Monster Mommy years and I prayed that the Lord would work on me with my yelling issue. {Thankfully HE did!} Obviously I’m still a work in progress.

I’m not sure why it was so easy for me to yell at my kids but not at my hubby – maybe because they were young and I felt I had the right to since I was the parent? Anyway, regardless of that, I choose not to yell at my husband. When we have an issue or something upsets me we talk it through. Sure, I haven’t always been good about my approach to this. In my younger years of marriage I would often pout and sulk for days while my hubby would continue to ask what was wrong, only for me to grumpily say ‘nothing!’ until finally he could take no more and would make me sit and talk about it. I’m not proud of that but again, it’s another area that the Lord is working on me and I have grown a lot since those first few years of marriage.

Let’s think about what yelling accomplishes … it belittles the other person, it raises their defenses, and it can just escalate the situation. Not to mention the fact that words said in the heat of the moment cannot be taken back. Yes you can ask forgiveness, but mean and hurtful words are hard to forget.

I hope you ALL know that I do not have a perfect marriage … I hope you can see from my stories and examples that I’ve messed up plenty of times in my marriage. But I’m relying on the Lord to keep working on me and growing me and helping me become more like Him.

Today’s challenge is:

The next time you are ready to blow up at your husband, stop, walk away and give yourself a time out. Yes, just like the kind you give your kids. Remove yourself for a few minutes so you can take a deep breath and formulate valid thoughts that you don’t have to yell about. At times I’ve found it helpful to write a letter to my hubby telling him what is bothering me, that way I can say everything I want to say without getting emotional or being interrupted by him. Write it out and have him read it, then begin your discussion. And try to listen to his side of things too. When you’re in the heat of an argument, remember that this man LOVES you, CHOSE you and ADORES being married to you. Take a minute to give him the benefit of the doubt instead of thinking the very worst of him. 

Would you like to see all the other amazing 31 dayers? Please click here. =)

{Day 5} Accept what you cannot change

How’s that for a loaded topic title?! I’ve always loved the Serenity prayer and found much wisdom to be gained from it’s words. I didn’t even know there was a second verse until today, but it too is very applicable.

 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

 

So let’s talk about how this prayer can apply to our marriages. I’ll bet that if you took the time to think about it, you would find some things about your spouse that you wish you could change. Maybe you can come up with a whole list, maybe only one or two things. Regardless, I’m sure there are things that irk you, right?

And if we asked your spouse, I’m sure they could also come up with things about YOU they wished to change … I know, it’s hard to admit, but we ALL have faults!

There have been times in my marriage where I was the nagging, nit-picking wife. Silly things like the laundry on the floor NEXT to the laundry basket, or the toilet seat being left up would cause me to become a real nag to my husband. There have been other things in my marriage too – bigger issues that I would dwell on about how I wished my hubby was more like this or less like that.  Maybe I wished he was more romantic, more spiritual, more sensitive, etc. I think you get the point, that there will always be things you want to change about your spouse.

 

In those times when I would dwell on the negative things I found that I became more and more disenchanted with my marriage! When I’d get in one of those funks where I just wasn’t real happy with him, I would dwell and dwell and dwell on those negative thoughts until I had him worked up to be the worst husband in the whole wide world! Obviously it was so not true of him, but when I let my mind get worked up over negative thoughts I got a little carried away! Then some teensy, tiny little thing would happen and I would BLOW up! Poor guy, he didn’t even know it was coming.

How can you combat this desire to change your man? PRAY about it! Learn to accept him for WHO HE IS! I will never tell you people can’t change … I’m living proof that people can change and grow and learn new things all of their lives. I’ve grown so much in so many ways throughout the course of our marriage. But what I’m trying to point out is that it isn’t your job to change your man. He might never change, grow or learn to do things new ways {OK chances are he WILL change in SOME ways}, but even if he doesn’t, you married this guy, you love him, so stop trying to change the things you don’t like about him.

Today’s Challenge is:

Think about those things your hubby does that drive you nuts … now think about those things in the grand scheme of life … are those things REALLY worth fussing about? Are they really worth getting in fights with your hubby over? Sure putting the toilet seat down many times a day is annoying … but maybe for him, putting that toilet seat UP is equally annoying! ;)

If you truly want to find joy in your marriage, stop trying to change your husband. Instead focus on being the wife you need to be, the wife God has called you to be. A wife who loves and serves her husband with joy.

Please take some time to check out the other 31 dayers here.

{Day 4} – Joy in your Marriage

Welcome back to 31 Days to Becoming a JOYful wife and mother! For the next few days I want to talk about being a joyful wife.

It’s unfortunate that marriage is so dispensable in our society today, but the truth of the matter is, you CAN be happily married for LIFE!

Marriage is tough and at times hard work. But it makes for a wonderful, peace-filled life if you are choosing joy in your marriage.

The picture below was my hubby and I back in our Bible college days. I met him when I was just 17 years old and we got married when I was 20. Even our dating years had their ups and downs but ultimately we decided that we couldn’t imagine living our lives without the other person in it, and we have been happily married for almost 15 years since then!

{and who could resist throwing in a wedding photo for a post like this?}

  

One of the most important things in a great marriage is communication. When couples don’t communicate well with each other it’s a recipe for disaster.

Before Bob and I got married we went through a time of premarital counseling with the pastor from our church. I’ll never forget one of the most important exercises he had us work through which was a questionnaire that we worked on together. It had questions about everything under the sun from how many kids we wanted to have, where we wanted to live, what were our hopes & dreams, etc. We spent a few days going over those questions together and they brought about the best discussions and conversations! I am positive that our pastor had us do this not only to be sure we were on the same page, but also to introduce us to the concept of having good communication.

Communicating well with your spouse is a key part of a successful marriage. As much as we wish our husbands could read our thoughts and know exactly how to respond to our {unsaid} feelings, it just isn’t realistic to expect that!

I will talk more about MIScommunication later, which is a whole other topic!

 

{a photo of us this summer}

Today’s challenge is this:

Take some time to think about how well you and your spouse communicate with one another. If it’s helpful, make a list of some things that you wish you and he communicated better about. Now don’t go shoving the list under his nose or bashing him over the head with it. For now, just make the list or take some time to dwell on what those things are. And of course, pray. If you feel like the communication level between you and your spouse isn’t where you’d like it to be, start praying about it today. We’ll talk more about what to do about it in the coming days.

See you tomorrow! Check out the other 31 dayers here.

Technorati Tags: 31 Days,Joy,Mom,Wife,Marriage

{Day 3} – Ordinary Days

 

Have you got a few minutes today? I’d LOVE if you’d take some time to watch this video. It’s a little over 7 minutes long.

The video is about the Gift of the Ordinary Day. In Katrina Kenison’s book by the same title, she talks about the ups and down of raising her boys. She talks about how quickly the time passes.

Watching this video and reading her book were a wake up call for me. My oldest daughter just turned 10. Those 10 years flew by in the blink of an eye. I can’t even fathom the fact that in another 10 years she will be away at college already or possibly even MARRIED, like I was at 20 years old!

 

 

Looking back on 10 years I feel like I wish I had taken the time to recognize those ordinary days for the gift that they were. My girls are already so independent now and I think about the fact that they will never need my help with buckling into the car seat again, or help to get them dressed, or cut up their dinner for them. Those days are long gone, never to return. I wish I had taken more joy in those simple, every day tasks instead of feeling like those things were all little nuisances.

I often think about those days when the girls were small enough that our only agenda for the day might be lunch and a playdate with other little friends. I know at the time I didn’t recognize those days as a gift, but they truly were! My days now are filled with schooling, sports, activities, events, etc. We have very few quiet, simple, ordinary days. Or I guess it’s just that our ‘ordinary’ is a different kind of ordinary from those long ago days.

Today’s challenge is this:

Take notice of the gift of the ordinary days. Don’t rush to make your kids grow up too soon. Enjoy them, cuddle a little longer with them, cherish these every day, ordinary moments. I promise they are fleeting!

And again, if you’d like to check out the hundreds of others participating in the 31 days series, just click here.

31 Days {Day 2}

Welcome back to 31 days of Becoming a Joyful Wife & Mother!

Today I want us to think about who our employer is. For many of us we might think that our boss is our husband or our children {not that we allow them to boss us, but that we work for them}. It’s natural to feel this way, since we do their laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. But the one problem with working FOR our family, is that it can easily lead to feelings of defeat.

Let me explain … have any of you ever read the Love Languages book? Well I did, and I discovered that my love language is ‘Words of Affirmation’. In other words, the way I feel most loved is by hearing words of affirmation … whether it be thanking me for cleaning the house or simply complimenting me that I look nice. Those are the things that truly make me feel loved and cherished.

But the one thing standing in my way of feeling that love is my husband. You see, sometimes I think God has a funny sense of humor, because my husband’s love language is ‘acts of service’ … and not only that, but he’s not very good at giving words of affirmation! HA! When I first made this realization I was like, seriously Lord? Why did you pair US together?!

The more I think about it though I think that the Lord was truly smart in His plan for my life … you see, if I had a husband who showered me in words of affirmation, I might begin to believe that I was truly meant to live and work for my husband. But that brings me to my point today, which is this; we were never supposed to work for our husbands, our kids or even for our own glory! That’s not the way the Lord wanted us to live!

Colossians 3:17 says “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”

and if you skip down a few verses…

vs. 23 says “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.”

Friends, you can save yourself a WORLD of heartache and hurt by taking these verses to heart! If we can only remember that anything we do, EVERYthing we do, is for HIM, not him {the hubby}, it will drastically change our marriage relationship. Don’t get me wrong … it’s not that we don’t SERVE our hubbies, but we shouldn’t do it only because we expect thanks and glory from them.

If you’re washing dishes – do it for the Lord.

If He’s called you to be a teacher {and really, everyone who has children is a teacher from the moment that child is born!} – do it for the Lord.

If He’s given you a job working with ornery customers {perhaps unhappy about what’s been cooked for dinner?} – do it for the Lord.

If He’s asked you to wash up the spills from kids who seem to take joy in making messes – do it for the Lord.

If the Lord has called you to this place, to do this job, at this moment, you need to do that job for Him. If you gain NO glory from it, so be it! If you’re children and husband don’t sing your praises or thank you profusely – it doesn’t matter. You are responsible and called by HIM and HIM alone.

This doesn’t mean you won’t be doing things for your family … believe me, you sure will! In fact, you’ll still be cleaning their clothes, cooking their meals and taking care of all your normal duties. The only difference is that you won’t be setting yourself up for defeat by waiting and expecting the thanks and praise. You’ll be choosing to be joyful with the task the Lord has called you to, simple as that.

Today’s challenge:

Today when you have tasks to take care of, choose to do them with JOY, reminding yourself that you’re responsibility is to do this work for the Lord, not for man. May I suggest a book about this topic? Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl is an excellent book that covers this very topic. Sure, she’s a bit controversial and yes, over the top at times, but the message of the book is good nonetheless.

I realize I forgot to add the link for the rest of the 31 Dayers yesterday, I apologize for this! There are literally hundreds of wonderful bloggers sharing 31 days full of tips on every topic under the sun. Please click here to check them all out!

31 Days to Becoming a Joyful Wife & Mother

Hey friends! For the month of October I’m going to jump in to a fun link up that’s going on by sharing 31 Days to Becoming a Joyful Wife and Mother. I’m SO excited about this! For the past few years several of the ‘famous’ bloggers have done a 31 days series in the month of October and I always love what they have to share. This year they’re giving all of us ‘little’ bloggers the chance to join in too with our own 31 Days series! Yay, so fun!

 

Let me start this series by saying that I wasn’t always a joyful wife and mother. There were many years when my daughters were young that I was impatient, frazzled and not enjoying my place in life very much. Don’t get me wrong, I have loved my daughters and husband DEARLY from the start … but I wasn’t loving and serving them with JOY for a long time.

This month I hope to share some things I have learned in my quest for being joyful. I am NO expert and I’m thankful that the Lord continues to work on me every day. But I hope to inspire you to find joy in your role as wife and mom.

This month I will share a lot about the perspective of time. For today, I want to share with you these two photos … the first one is of my girls from 4 years ago, the second one was taken last week. It amazes me how FAST time is going!

 

Today’s Challenge is this:

Take some time today to go back through old photos of your kids. If you can, go back and look through their baby books too. Spend a few minutes reflecting on the passage of time and how you feel about the kind of Mom you’ve been in the past few years. Do you feel like you’ve been a joyful Mom? Do you have regrets? What would you change {if anything} about the way you’ve been living? Don’t let this time of reflection get you down in the dumps, instead, if you have regrets about the past few years purpose in your heart today that you will begin to seek JOY starting today. 

I’ll see ya tomorrow!

{I wish I had a cool and fancy button for you guys but honestly I’m a little technologically challenged! This is the best I’ve got!}