The Transition from Homeschool to Public School - part one

So many people have asked me how our year went since we sent our girls to public school after 5 years of homeschooling. I have SO many thoughts on this so please bear with me as I try to put them in to some semblance of order.

The easy answer is WONDERFUL. The transition wasn't much of a transition at all and the girls adapted fabulously to their new surroundings. We are thankful and blessed that things went better than we could have ever hoped or imagined. Praise God for that!

Now let's back up. Our daughters both attended 2 years of Christian preschool. Then our oldest attended one year of public school. In the midst of her year there I was just not very impressed with the class environment. I went in to help many times and it always seemed there were so many distracting things happening in the room and my daughter didn't seem to be challenged much. That year I began to think about homeschooling. At first I was overwhelmed with the idea of it and really felt I wasn't sure it was something I could EVER do. But I decided to spend the rest of the year praying about the decision. My husband wasn't completely in love with the idea at first either, so we committed to praying and just waiting to see where the Lord would lead.

By the end of the year we felt the Lord assuring us and we had decided that we would keep her home the following year. One huge deciding factor was my husband's schedule, and the fact that once she was in school all day/every day they would hardly ever get to see each other. By the time she was home from school, he would be off to work. By the time he was home from work, she would be in bed. Being that we're such a close family and love spending so much time together we just knew it wouldn't work well.

So beginning with first grade we started homeschooling her. The following year when her sister started kindergarten we decided to just keep her home as well. So for 5 years we homeschooled. It was great and we had lots of fun but as with anything there were challenges. Some of the many bonuses were countless hours together as a family, making our own schedule and going on trips/vacations whenever we felt like it because no one else was in charge of our scheduling. It really was wonderful and we have SO many great memories from those 5 years. I also feel blessed that we were able to do it while the girls were young and so impressionable.

Last year, near the end of the school year our oldest started asking if she could go to public school in the fall. She was finishing her 5th grade year and would be entering middle school. In our town there are 3 elementaries but only one middle school. So 3 of her best friends from church would also be attending middle school with her, even though they had been in different elementary schools. Basically, she wanted to go to school with her friends and also began saying she just wanted to see what it was like to go to 'real' school. She really didn't remember much about kindergarten and her school experience and wanted to see what it was like.

Our youngest on the other hand, is most definitely a Mama's girl. And I don't say that to shame or embarrass her - it's a wonderful thing to be close to your Mom {or Dad} and she had really never known anything else as I had been her only teacher {other than preschool}. She would have told you last year that she was perfectly happy staying home with Mom for school for ever! That being said, she and I had almost daily battles over school work. As much as she loves me, it's hard to take direction from the one who you also live with day in and day out. Her struggles over spelling put both of us in tears on an almost daily basis. There were countless times I would cry out to my friends on Facebook for prayer to just make it through another day of homeschooling. So even though I LOVED having my girls home with me, it was definitely very hard at times and put a strain on our relationship at times too.

When our oldest first started asking about going to school, my first answer to her was 'nope!' When she asked why I said simply 'because that's not what the Lord has led us to do'. Unfortunately I hadn't actually sought the Lord about it in a long time. I had gotten into a comfortable groove where I felt that *I* knew best. See I am one of those control freak Moms who likes to think I have it all under control and that *I* am the only one who knows whats best for them. {I'm just going to put this out there and say that I see A LOT of well-meaning Christian Moms who try to control TOO much of what their children do - friends, we need to allow our kids to make their own choices and decisions and yes, even learn from their mistakes! Not saying we give them all power to choose everything in their lives, but still, we need to give up this false sense of security we call control!} **stepping down off soapbox** =)

Anyway ... so my first reaction was NO. Do you know why? Fear. Plain and simple. All those what ifs were slamming through my head ... all those ideas of all the 'bad' things that could happen or all the bad influences I thought they would have in public school allowed me to live in a state of fear. And fear is what made me keep them home! It wasn't at first, when we began our journey of homeschooling we truly did seek the Lord for the decision and felt truly at peace with it. But when was the last time I had honestly sought Him lately? Was I still listening to see what HE wanted us to do with our girls and not just what *I* wanted to do?? Or was I allowing my own irrational {OK, some things ARE legit} fears to guide our decision making?

So the more she asked questions about wanting to go to school, the more I was reminded that I needed to pray about it. Just as we had made the decision to bring them HOME after much prayer, we also needed to give the idea of sending them back to school much prayer. We also began to have LOTS of conversations with the girls. Almost daily we would talk about the pros and cons of each school environment, we talked with lots of friends who go to public school and we even went and visited both schools. We met with the principals and guidance counselors and took tours. Our oldest even got to go shadow a 6th grader for an entire day so it would give her a better idea of what a typical school day would look like.

Then one day I came across this blog post - When Fear is removed. I would highly encourage you to take a few minutes to read it, but basically it's about a woman needing to make a big decision and her friend encourages her to take fear out of the equation, then make the decision. It really began to sink in with me that I was allowing my fears to keep us paralyzed, where I kept the girls home with me citing that I know best when really if I took fear out of the decision I knew deep down it was probably best for ALL of us if they were given the opportunity to spread their wings.

Another line from the post hit me right in the gut "In its unhealthy form, fear is, at best, an obstacle … at worst, it is an agent of paralysis and atrophy. When removed from the equation, fear is left without power and the right choice rises to the surface." There it was. That paralyzed state of continuing to do the same thing year after year not because it was the best thing, but because I was too afraid to do anything else. I was paralyzed. Trying to maintain CONTROL. Choosing my kids friends, choosing their curriculum, choosing how their day went, all ME - making all their choices. Thinking I was in control.

I'm sure you already know this, but it took me awhile to learn. We're not REALLY in control of our kids. The Lord is. As much as we're given the chance to think we are, from choosing breastfeeding or bottle to what their first food will be, to what their bedtime will be - it's still the Lord above who ordains their steps and orders their days. Shocking, right? He's given us the amazing gift of being Moms and even allows us to make those all-important choices {how fun is it choosing a new baby's name?!?!} but He's still the One in charge when it comes right down to it.

Needless to say, after reading the blog post on fear, praying a LOT and even a whole bunch of tears we began to shift our thinking. Instead of an instant NO answer, we began to say 'OK, we'll pray about it, research it and see where God leads'. We asked our very closest friends and family to pray with us, as I mentioned earlier we visited the schools and we just kept the conversation and prayers going. Some of the events during this time we believe were absolutely God-ordained like when we went to the Board of Ed to ask some questions and it turned out that the Middle school orientation was set for the VERY NEXT night. Had we waited a few days we would have missed it. But the Lord planned it perfectly so we could attend and find out more information and our daughter could see many of the other kids who would end up being her classmates in the fall. There were several things that happened just like that where it just seemed that the Lord was opening doors and leading us through them. The timing of it all could not have been more perfect and again we felt these events were the Lord leading us to trust Him and see Him leading us towards this decision.

We still had our fears about our youngest daughter. Our oldest is quite confident and our youngest is much more shy and reserved. Would she get eaten up by the wolves in school?! ;) Would she be OK without Mom? Would she even WANT to go to school?! At first she was hesitant. Each time we'd ask her she'd say 'I don't know.' She couldn't express her feelings towards us about it and we worried about pushing into something that would overwhelm and upset her. But little by little she also came around. I know it may sound funny, but knowing our daughter's personality you have to understand how huge it was for us when instead of saying 'I don't know' she began to say 'well I MIGHT want to go to school'. For her, this was a HUGE step and for us it was a HUGE relief. No Mom wants to worry that they are pushing their child to do something the child is absolutely petrified of doing. And in her own little way she was showing us her confidence in making this decision and even her excitement when one day she began talking about having her own locker and what kind of backpack she wanted to get. ;)

And so with much prayer we made the decision that they WOULD attend school in the fall. In many ways it was such a relief to have the decision made and in a whole world of ways it was just the beginning of all my worries. But I knew the Lord was asking us to trust HIM and Him alone and that was what we were going to do. Little did I know that trusting God isn't just a one time thing - it's a constant choice we have to make every single day ... and there would certainly be times in the coming school year that would bring me to my knees and cause me fear and challenge me to recommit myself to trusting God, over and over again.

But this is getting VERY long already, so I'll close for now and share part two with you another time. =)