Brokenhearted

WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? It's easy to scream these questions, these accusations of why God?! How could you let this happen?! The words that keep filtering through my mind are; horrific, senseless, tragic, monster, loss of innocence ...

It's almost more than this Mama can take. I never watch TV during the day, but yesterday happened to be in my kitchen baking on a rare day at home. I put the Today show on for background noise and was stunned when breaking news came on about the tragedy in Newtown, CT. The idea of a school shooting ANYwhere is horrific, but being so close to home was truly 'too close for comfort'.

The first reports showed parents rushing to the school in a desperate attempt to find their child and see that they were OK. I found myself breaking down in tears just putting myself in those parents shoes. I think anyone who is a parent can't help but think that way.

My gut reaction was to rush to my girl's schools, pick them up and never take them back. We homeschooled for 5 years and I'll admit a part of homeschooling them was fear. Fear of all the 'bad' stuff that happens in schools {not even shootings, just all the rest}. But back in June when we felt the Lord calling us to TRUST HIM and send our girls to school we knew it meant we had to let go of some of those fears.

Let me just tell you, fear is an awful feeling and not easy to shake. Once it grips your heart it digs down roots and doesn't want to let go. I truly believe fear is something Satan uses against us, a way to gain a foothold and cause us to doubt our God and His goodness.

When my girls came home I talked with them about what had happened. It was one of the hardest conversations we've ever had. I worried that they would be afraid to return to school on Monday. We talked about how in ALL things God asks us to trust Him. Even when we don't understand how such a horrific thing could happen or what would drive someone to take innocent lives, still we choose to put our faith in God.

We DON'T know that our kids will always be safe in their schools. We DON'T know that we will be safe when we go shop at the mall. We DON'T have a guarantee of a long, happy life here on earth. But there is one thing we DO know ... we know we believe in God and have accepted His Son Jesus as our Savior. We know God knows anguish and pain and grief - He allowed His very Son to die a brutal death on the cross for us. Jesus didn't deserve to die - He was as innocent as those 20 children in Newtown. But God allowed His only Son to die for ME ... for YOU ... and yes, hard as it is to accept, even for the shooter. His salvation isn't only for good people, heaven isn't for those who don't murder and try to follow living a good life. Heaven is for EVERYone who accepts God's free gift of love. And He gives each of us the free will to accept or reject Him.

I'm still in shock. I'm still absolutely heartbroken. When I think of all the gifts bought for these children, that will never be opened, it breaks me in two. When I think of the teachers and staff who willingly put themselves in harm's way to save more kids I am in awe. When I think of parents having to bury their children the week before Christmas and siblings who will be forever missing their brother or sister - it kills me! I worry for the staff and children who survived, I worry about the lasting effects of all they saw and heard. I worry that they will never be able to return to that school and feel 'normal' again.

My husband and I had a long talk last night. It's a difficult thing to watch your big, strong husband break down with sobs shaking his body because he worries about protecting his daughters. We cried a lot of tears yesterday. We WILL keep our girls in school. We KNOW where our girls would go if anything this horrific ever happened to them. They have both chosen to accept Jesus as their Savior and they have the assurance of heaven because of that. I pray for the families left behind that their children were Christians. I pray that these families will one day be reunited in heaven someday.

No one knows what tomorrow will bring. I could die in a car accident today. Anything can happen and in this crazy, fallen world we live in you know bad things WILL happen. It's so important to know where you will go if you die. If any of you that are reading this want to make this choice and have questions for me, please ask! I don't have all the answers, but am happy to lead you in the right direction. Don't let another day go by!

John 3:16 says: "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

I'm praying that the God of all comfort will fill these families hearts with peace. And PLEASE, go hug and love on your babies, no matter how young or old they are.