I know a lot of other Moms (and Grandmas) read my blog ... so I'm going to ask some parenting advice. And let me just start by saying that I adore both of my children with all of my heart. But we all know that parenting is hard work, and sometimes we need a little (OK, a LOT) of help with it. I pray daily for the strength and patience I need to parent my girls well, but sometimes I also need a little practical advice from other parents ... you know what I mean??
So, here goes:
One of my children is not a good listener. Most times I have to ask her 4-5 times before she will do what I have asked.
I have disciplined her for it, but being that she is very sensitive she just gets really upset, and I wonder if she really got the message.
I feel as though all day I am saying "YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO MOMMY". I have tried the tough approach and I have tried the compassionate approach.
Sometimes I don't know if she is disobeying, because she is the type who is VERY easily distracted. So on the way to put her PJ's on, she sees a toy and she stops ... then I tell her again to put PJ's on and she walks to the dresser and sees a book and stops to look at it ... so I tell her a 3rd time and she gets halfway undressed before stopping again to pick up the toy ... etc, etc, etc, on it goes.
Could this be a symptom of ADD? (I'm not trying to 'label' her, just trying to understand the behavior.)
Or do you other parents just think it's out right disobedience?
I feel as though she could be disciplined ALL day long and she would still act the same way because like I said before she's very easily distracted.
I know she has the ability to focus, because she does well in preschool. And she is a quick learner, even times when I think she isn't paying attention and she ends up retaining information.
So, what advice have you got?? I am really struggling with this one. And feel free to email me if you need lots of space to write! Thanks friends!
4 comments:
I have one that is just like this! Sometimes he's just being disobedient, but he also is absent-minded and has a hard time staying on task. There are several things that have helped with our frustrations, and his!
First, I try to give him a warning if he is doing something and I am going to ask him to change tasks. 'In five minutes I need you to - ... and then come back and remind him.' This helps him be able to begin wrapping things up in his mind and makes it MUCH easier for him!
Also, I not only have him look me in the eyes, but also repeat back to me what I need him to do.
And the ever spoken phrase in our house - 'slow obedience is no obedience'.
I find that even though it is very hard for him to stay on task, it is also a choice that he just has to make. It's part of training his mind. If I could do it for him, that would be much easier, but he is learning. This is one area that a child will grow in and as parents we need to teach them how to 'bring every thought into captivity' - and the sooner they learn it, the easier it will be later on in life!
Sorry for taking up so much space, but I did want to add that usually, if I take the time to stop and really talk with him when this is an issue, I end up being able to see where his heart is and whether or not he is being defiant or just got distracted without noticing :)
Great thoughts from Lynn!
I think the getting her attention (making sure eye contact is being made) and having her repeat back to you what she's going to do will be helpful.
Also, it might help to keep in mind that there is a difference between training and disciplining. As a matter of training, a quick swat with the rod when she gets off-course could be helpful. Not any big to-do, just a quick swat and a reminder... and a watchful eye.
We find this handy piece of plumbing tubing helpful - http://www.shammelle.com/shared/TheRod_Small.jpg
It was so good to read this post and see that other children behave the same way as my Em! Unfortunately I have no advice on the matter because I'm still working out the kinks on this behavior too. However, a few weeks ago I did start making her repeat back to me what I had asked her to do and that does seem to help a bit.
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