Wow, it's just crazy how many times this subject can come up all within a very short period of time! I feel like when something like that happens, it's really the Lord laying something very important on my heart and it means it's time to listen up! =)
I know I've shared with you all before that I have a wonderful marriage. I am blessed beyond words to be married to my best friend in the whole world. But even when you have a good marriage, it doesn't mean you can take it for granted or think that you've got it made and don't have to put any work or effort in.
So here are just a few things I want to share with you. And I have to tell you up front that I take no credit for what's about to be said. These are little tidbits that I've learned from various resources and I'll do my best to give credit to each one.
First, our church recently launched a Marriage Enrichment class which started out with the watching of the movie Fireproof. If you haven't already seen this movie - go rent it tonight! And even though it had a few sad or sappy moments, don't let that discourage your hubby from watching it! Many men have said how good it is and I think it's very important to see it together.
There were many things to be gained from the movie, but perhaps what struck me the most was when the Dad talked about how if there is anything in your life that is becoming an addiction, anything at all that is coming between you and your spouse, that it must be cut out,
right away! For the character in the movie it was about an addiction to looking at certain kinds of inappropriate stuff on the internet. {I'm sure you know what I'm referring to.} While I've never struggled in that area, I do struggle with 'wasting' too much time online. Browsing blogs and websites, checking things out on Facebook ... it all adds up to A LOT of wasted time on the computer. I have felt very convicted in this area lately and I'm seeking to change this addictive behavior. I
don't feel this has come between my spouse and I ... but I do see where it could lead if it isn't kept under control.
The second helpful 'resource' is the MOMS program at our church. This year we're talking about the verses in Titus 2:3-5 which say,
"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the
way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to too much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and
to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God."This week, the speaker focused on 'Loving our Husbands'. It was an excellent talk given by a woman I look up to and admire, who has been happily married for 20 years. One thing she shared and we as a group discussed is how we give {or fail to give} respect to our hubbies in the ways we relate to them or speak to them. Example: we complain about having to do all the housework and what a huge chore it all is ... but when he folds the towels a little differently than we're used to we freak out and tell him what a bad job he's done ... or worse, we re-fold them right in front of him!
What type of message of respect does that send to your man? It basically tells him that what he does, or how he does it, just isn't good enough. And it devalues him.
This has been a real struggle for me. I tend to be a controlling person and like things done a certain way. However, my hubby's love language {the one he gives most} is Acts of Service. So when I say I want to be loved more, he does more laundry and more dishes!! That's his way of showing me that he loves me, that he wants to help me and it's his way of serving me. So if I can't give up some control of the way I want things done, or if I constantly correct or 'fix' everything he's done - it makes him feel horrible! It's up to me to be the one to give a little, let some things slide and pick my battles. It drives me batty that he puts all the dishes away in the wrong cabinets - but what does that really matter in the grand scheme of life?? Do I want dishes all put away perfectly or do I want a happy hubby who feels valued?
A couple other resources I will mention real quick are some great books I have read. I can highly recommend any of these {and if you live near me you are welcome to borrow them too!}.
"A Woman After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George- an amazing author! She helps teach you how to follow what the Word of God says about how a woman should follow the Lord and live.
"For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn- what you need to know about the inner lives of men. Hundreds of men were interviewed for this book which gives great insight into how men really feel about love, respect, sex, etc ...
"Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl- a Godly role model for choosing to do what's right in the eyes of the Lord, despite what you get or don't get in return.
"The Power of a Positive Woman" by Karol Ladd- a great resource for helping you choose joy in your everyday life
I once read that 'a woman sets the temperature in the home' {I think it was from the Elizabeth George book but I'm not positive about that.} Will your home be warm, loving, comfortable? Will your marriage be full of love, passion, fun? It can be ... don't let your marriage grow cold because of bitterness, disagreements, or growing apart. Make it a choice to work on your marriage, use all the wonderful resources that are available to you and more than anything just make time for each other!
***Edited to add*** See, I told you this topic keeps showing up everywhere! I just found that a friend I know posted something on this very topic, almost at the same time I was posting my blog!! For some reason I could not link to her post, but I'll cut and paste it here for you to enjoy ... then I'll link you to her blog at the bottom if you are interested in checking it out.
from In Light of the Truth by
In Light of the Truth... In the back of the book You Can Be the Wife of a Happy Husband one of the chapter assignments is to read 1 Cor. 13:4-7 and personalize it by putting your name in place of
love. For me it takes on a whole new meaning when read as...
I am patient, I am kind. I do not envy, I do not boast, I am not proud. I am not rude, nor self-seeking, I am not easily angered, I keep no record of wrongs. I do not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. I always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere.
Uh yeah, I totally fall short of all of those things.
And I'm working on it. Through regular Bible times and prayer with God. And my hope is that the Spirit living inside me will me help me to grow into the loving wife God calls me to be. Because I sure as heck can't do it on my own!"
from Sarah at
In Light of the Truth
